How to Help Your Infant Sleep

…So You Can TOO!!

I had children awhile ago, but some things never change. My oldest is turning 25 this year, followed by the Middle Child at 21 and my youngest is 19. As is very common, the oldest child teaches us far more than we teach them. They turn us into parents for the first time, we make our first (of often many) mistakes along the way, and show us the immense love that comes with being a parent. Some will never choose this path–I respect that deep self-knowing. Some will want this path and never have the outcome they want. For those, this knowledge may help someone you love get their little one to finally sleep, so they can return to a modicum of sanity and feel like a human again. 

When I was 21, actually, on my 21st birthday, I found out I was expecting my first child. I had been married for 2 years, and this was the rational next step in that relationship. I was blessed to not have to try to get pregnant, it happened right after stopping birth control pills. This was one more thing that “came easy” to me. The pregnancy did not prove to be a cakewalk, however, and I was on light duty by six months gestation, after suffering some musculoskeletal complications. My pubic symphysis separated while I was running a Code Blue as a nurse, and I was barely able to stand up, and could not work on my feet. 

Delivery day came, and I was induced to deliver about a week early, as the doctor was concerned the baby was over 10 lbs. This would not have been out of the realm of possibility as big babies ran in my family. Labor was complicated by a post partum hemorrhage and I experienced my first out of body experience, while the doctor and nurses worked to stop the bleeding. I looked down upon my newborn son and his grandmother and thought “How nice”. I obviously came back around and we spent an unheard of four days in the hospital due to the blood loss. We were getting the feeding thing down, and were fully in love with the beautiful boy we had. The day after we were sent home, we had to return to the hospital because he decided he wanted to take spells at not breathing. He did not repeat that behavior at the ER, so he was deemed to be “fine” and I was chastised as an overwrought, tired new mom. 

Well, those spells didn’t stop, and I became a sleep-deprived new mother, who went back to work after 4 weeks off for maternity leave, because I was a new nurse with no vacation time saved up. We had a baby sitter that loved our son so much, and she worked out a schedule with a night shift nurse and a sheriff’s deputy that rotated schedules every 2 months. She treated him like one of her own, and he was “spoiled” by her four teenage kids. We learned soon that the spells in his breathing were caused by a condition called tracheomalacia, where the C-cartilage in the windpipe hadn’t formed far enough and the trachea would collapse down on a rapid inhalation (think crying or laughing). The pulmonologist said he would grow out of the condition but it could take up to 5 years. 

That led once more to a hypervigilant mother who did not let her child cry or fuss. The child who loved to held, because that was what he was used to, would not sleep in his own bed, in a bassinet or anywhere else. Around 6 months old, we had to find a new babysitter, and she was on a strict schedule, so he was on a strict schedule during the day. At night, I was on my own. We found someone new around the age of 11-12 months, as I was unhappy with the provider, because she was giving him water too early, and not enough breast milk. This new babysitter was a family friend and she was kind to take him on with her son who was the same age. My oldest was weaned at this point, and we thought it would be an easy transition. After a week or two, Tracy handed me a book and said, “Read this, do this, or I can’t watch your baby anymore, he’s too demanding and will not work on any schedule.”

I was so worried I would lose this sitter, so I started reading the book she handed me. It was “On Becoming Babywise” by Dr. Robert Bucknam and Gary Ezzo. Within a week, my child who would not sleep through the night was on a routine, and sleeping long enough that I was finally able to sleep for the first time in a year. It was a lifesaver! If I could give every new parent in my practice this book, I would…I might still. 

Adequate rest is essential for parents and babies, in order to function well, have patience, and grow. If there is anything I can impress upon new parents, it’s this: take offered help. Don’t be too proud to let someone watch the baby while you sleep, eat or take a shower. If you are breastfeeding, you WILL NOT ruin the baby by giving him/her a bottle if you are not producing, it will allow you to pump or try again, with a baby who is not ravenous. That is another blog…so for now, rest. Sleep. Routine. It makes it easy.